There is nothing I can’t take more than being made to feel not good enough, or that I’m not doing good enough of a job. You can call me a whore, a slut, fat, ugly, worthless – ANYTHING- but I cannot handle it when someone tells me I don’t do good enough of a job.

Now I am far from perfect – no one is – but I work the hardest that I possibly can as a camgirl. Being a camgirl is a 24/7 job, we are always on call, always working behind the scenes and always striving to be the epitome of sex, style, class and personality. We need to have it all, and be everything you, as the viewer, needs us to be. But the moment we falter, the moment we get overwhelmed with work, with life…and you feel like we’re not doing a good enough of a job for you, all of a sudden we’re horrible at our job. And tonite, I got publically called out for what someone felt wasn’t good enough. He felt the need to blast me online in front of all my colleagues, my fans, my closest friends online – all because I hadn’t gotten his custom content (that he won in the fall during one of my prize giveaways) to him yet. I felt this judgement was pretty unfair considering a) I am still waiting for him to tell me what he wants in his custom content (to the guy in reference – when I ask you what you want in an email, its best to just tell me instead of telling me to “just check your mfc mail history”…gets the job done alot quicker, especially considering I get literally dozens of emails a day and sometimes…just sometimes…one or two goes overlooked) and b) when he won this custom content, it was days before my summer vacation, during which I came down sick and spent the next several weeks in and out of the hospital, back and forth between doctors offices and getting tests done and being put on new medications that literally left me in bed because they made me so sick. Followed by struggling to cam as much as I could so that I could make up for the time lost on cam, because unfortunately us camgirls don’t get sick days and if we are too sick to get on the computer, we lose income. It took me until November to catch up on my bills. Mix that with the holiday season (first time in years being home for xmas, so sorry, I made that a priority) and bam – there goes an email missed. I’m sorry you feel I jipped you. I’m sorry you felt the need to take it to twitter to blast me publically. I’m sorry I’ve been so busy with life and just trying to keep it together enough to pay my bills and try to make the hundreds of guys I cater to happy…but I can’t and won’t apologize for not being perfect. I can’t do it all. And like I’ve said, I’m happy to do your content, as soon as you let me know what you want to see in said content.

I’m sorry guys for the rant…like I said, I can handle being called alot, but being treated like I am a horrible camgirl…can’t stomach that. Its New Years Eve and instead of being with my friends in the living room to celebrate, I’m hiding out in the bathroom writing this blog because I can’t relax and can’t enjoy my night until I’ve gotten this all off my chest. I have to speak up when it concerns my work as a camgirl because frankly, camming is my life. You guys are my life. I do the best that I can and if thats not enough, then maybe you should move on to a camgirl who CAN be perfect for you and get everything done on time, even if life hands her chaos. No disrespect to the person in question, I’m happy to get your content sent to you and I’m only an email away when you’re ready and able to let me know what you want to see. And hopefully this blog doesn’t offend anyone, or make me seem like a bitch. Certainly not my intent, just trying to clear my name and vent a bit because I feel like I was mistreated tonite. Happy New Year to everyone, and please make sure to drive safely (no drinking and driving now! )

Well its New Years Eve and wow the year flew by!! I can’t believe that in 12 hours its going to be 2012! And you know what that means- my annual New Yrs resolution list! Lets recap last years resolutions and if I accomplished them:

1) Move home to Ontario to be closer to family. And I’ve given my notice at my apartment which means I have to be moved out by March 31…so the ball is moving! I certainly moved home! And very happy here!

2)Become debt free. I need to get rid of my debt. I have about…ehh 35k between my student loans, debt from my last relationship, a credit card that got racked up trying to move here in the first place, and a few other small debts that are just a pain in my ass. I need to eliminate this, because I have huge dreams of buying my first home, buying a car…going back to school…etc. So this year, its all I’m going to focus on, after I settle into my new place. Well…I didn’t accomplish this entirely but I DID make progress. I’m about 1/3 of the way away from being debt free.

Sooo…all in all, not a bad year. It was probably my best year in all ways – financially, emotionally…I hit a lot of goals, and made a lot of things happen. It was also a bit of a rough year, starting with my surgery in the winter, and then being sick with anxiety and stomach issues throughout the year but I’m ending the year feeling healthy and having made some progress I think…and my progress and work with my health will continue to next year. So my resolutions for 2012:

1) Get debt free. This is a priority and will hopefully happen within the first couple months of 2012.

2)Be healthy, in all ways possible. Continue to go to therapy, and continue to work on de-stressing my life so that I can get my stomach and anxiety problems under control. This includes taking more time for myself, doing more things for myself that are fun and relaxing and surrounding myself with positivity only.

3)Visit two new places. I said two because one is already set in motino (Vegas) so I want to make it two this year, perhaps a trip at the end of the year.

4) Get my license and buy a car. It just needs to happen lol

5)Save up enough for a down payment on a house. I don’t need to buy a house in 2012, but I want to at least have enough saved up for when I’m ready to buy one.

6)Be top 20. I’ve wanted it since I started on MFC over two years ago and this year is my year to hit it. I’m going to need everyones support for it, but if we can work together, its an accomplishment we and I can achieve!

So those are my resolutions. We’ll check back in 12 months to see if I accomplished them Want to wish everyone a very happy and safe New Years!!!! <3

Another Christmas is over and gone, and we’re heading towards 2012…this year flew by! This year was my first time going home for the holidays in three years, so I was excited beyond belief. The last several weeks have been leading up to this holiday and you all know just how much I was anticipating being home with my family. It was truly amazing, but bittersweet too. My youngest brother is currently working and living in the Congo until February and wasn’t able to make it home. He’s living in the middle of chaos and war and conflict and my whole family is on edge every single day hoping and praying he’s safe. We were able to call him and had him on speakerphone so we could all talk to him but it wasn’t the same. He told us that his compound is currently surrounded by army tanks to keep protestors and angry civilians out. Its comforting to know he’s being protected but scary to think that he needs to be protected at all. He’ll eventually need to leave the compound to fly home, so we’re scared for that day to happen. Keep your prayers for him coming because he needs them greatly.

So I made it home to my familys home and spent Christmas eve with everyone. My two other brothers, my nieces and nephew, my brothers spouses and my youngest brothers girlfriend spent the day with us even though my brother wasn’t there. We all ate a delicious dinner together (thanks mom!) and then went to church for their Christmas eve service. I didn’t burst into flames upon arrival so my soul must not be doing that bad After church, we all came home and opened gifts together. It was an amazing day and night and I feel so blessed to have had this time with them, even though my time was short. I ended up coming back home on Christmas day so I could get back to work and get back to life. Miss the family already but it was great to see everyone.

My moms tree

Talking to my brother in the Congo

Me helping the girls open their gifts! Don’t mind my brothers arm lol

Abbie and Bella enjoying their goodies

I had such a fantastic holiday and I hope that everyone else had a great Christmas full of family, friends, love and FOOOOOOD LOL. <3

I’ve finally gotten around to blogging about my Niagara trip- I know, I’m a lazy ass. But in my defense, right after I got back, it was the middle of the holiday season so I just chose to immerse myself in merriment instead of blogging

My trip to Niagara was fantastic. It was for only two days, but I made the most of my time there and my #1 priority was to RELAX. My therapist has been telling me to make more time for myself and do things that I love and that relax me, so I did. She knows I’m a workaholic and thinks its adding to me anxiety and stress level, so this trip was necessary.

I arrived in the early afternoon and checked into my hotel room. I always visit the same hotel everytime I go there…best hotel by far, and the service I get there is amazing. Not to mention, the rates on the suites in the winter are sooo cheap and the restaurant is amazing, as is their spa. I swear, they know me by name there haha. Here is some pics of the view from my room:

My first nite there, I just wanted to unwind and relax…it was a drizzly nite anyways, perfect nite to sit in and chill. I ordered room service (roasted salmon with a really fancy salad) and then two desserts because hey, I was on vacation (AND it was nearing cake time anyways haha) The desserts were AMAZING. I got this white chocolate tower, it had phyllo and in between the phyllo was white chocolate cream, with raspberries on top, and a passionfruit sauce thing. Also got creme brulee of course, its my fav Pix:

The hotel was also decked out for Christmas, so I had to take a few pics. Hugest gingerbread house ever, and their gorgeous (albeit fake) tree:

Later that nite I was feeling like having a drink, but since the lounge/bar in the hotel was closed early, I figured I’d hop on over to the casino to grab a drink. It was just down the street so only took a few minutes to walk over. I went in, grabbed a drink and figured, “hey, I’m here, might as well play a few games before I leave”…so I headed on over to the roulette table and figured I’d give it a shot. My first $4 bet I ended up winning over $80!!! I was so excited and was like I’M OUTTA HERE! lol. I cashed out, finished my drink and went back to my hotel to sleep.

The next day I went down to the spa in my hotel for some girly time. Got a massage, and a facial (stop laughing pervs lol) It was amazing, and definitely needed After that, I went over to Clifton Hill, which is the strip of touristy type stuff. I went to the Hershey store and got some yummies, and went to a wax museum and a mirror maze. Did a bit of shopping as well. Had some people take some pics of me when I found something cute or funny to pose with so here ya go!

Me and a mountie statue!

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE X 2! LOL. This was in the wax museum, in the Dr. Doolitle scene. Had to get someone to take a pic since we all love mooses so much

After all of my walking around, I went back to my hotel to change for dinner. I had a reservation at the revolving restaurant in the Skylon Tower, which overlooks the falls. I got there and got taken up the elevator to the top and was seated. I wanted to get soup and a salad, nothing heavy since I had plans to go ice skating afterwards but when the waiter came to take my order, he told me that I had to order more food than that. I was like uhh wtf? He said the restaurant had a $40 minimum per person, and since my soup and salad amounted to only $20, I had to order more or leave. I was so effin pissed off…I’d understand it MAYBE if the restaurant was full and they wanted to maximize profits, but the restaurant was nearly empty! I made sure to tell him it was a crappy way of doing business and that I’d make sure that everyone I knew would be informed not to eat there and then was escorted to the elevator. I went back to my hotel and just ordered room service again because I was in no mood to go find another place to eat after that lol.

My last day there, I only had a few hours in the morning to do stuff before my train left, so I headed back out to Clifton Hill because I wanted to take a morning ride on the SkyWheel. Its this huge ferris wheel overlooking the falls. Very beautiful and a great way to end the vacay.

After that I had to pack up and head over to the train station, but not without stopping by the falls for a few quick pics:

All in all it was a fantastic time. Got lots of rest, lots of fun and lots of relaxation- mission accomplished

I’m sitting here waiting on my chicken to finish cooking. Its taking its sweet ass time, and I’m frustrated because my tummy NEEDS FOODZ NAOWWWWWW.

I gotta say, last nite on cam was AMAZING. I am still just in shock over the tip love that happened…omg it was insane! And it put me into the top 100, which is super awesome! I didn’t make top 50 last month like I was hoping so this month I really REALLY want to work hard and get my bum in there! I think we can do it

I got my two trees snuck in! My landlord doesn’t let real trees in my building so I had to sneak them in late at night lol. It took awhile, and made a huge mess but its done and the trees look lovely If you haven’t seen them yet, hop on over to my MFC chatroom to check them out I went to my PO box today and picked up my first two presents to put under the tree in my camroom, so excited!! I absolutely love this holiday, its so merry and magical!

Next week I’m going to be taking a short trip to Niagara Falls. It’ll be my first trip there in three years and I’m super pumped! I might make an appearance on cam from my hotel room, so be sure to check my twitter for times Anyhoo, time to check on dinner again, hopefully its done because I’m staaaaarving!!! xoxo