Hey guys <3 Laying in bed, thought I’d catch you all up to speed on how I’m doing health wise. I’ve been on my Cipralex for almost three weeks now, and I have to say I’m feeling alot better. Most of the nasty side effects have disappeared thankfully, however the big one thats remaining is my exhaustion. I don’t know if its a side effect, or if my body and mind is now so relaxed that I’m just feeling tired all of the time. My whole life I’ve been one of those people who don’t sleep much, who have issues getting to sleep in the first place because my mind is always racing and thinking, and I’m always worrying about work/money/life. But since I’ve been on these meds, I haven’t had that issue…which is good because it means the medication is working for me and taking away anxiety, but I don’t know how to deal with having a quiet mind and a body that is finally ready to rest itself. I feel like I’m slacking on life, on work, on you guys…because as the day goes on, and it starts getting late (which is when I normally hop on cam) my body just shuts down and I can’t stay awake. Good problem to have I suppose and I should be thankful that my body is finally getting the rest that I’ve neglected it for the last 20+ years but its ruining my MFC mojo dammit! lol. I’m trying to avoid caffeine as well (diet coke) because the caffeine makes me extra jittery. Le sigh…not sure how to remedy this problem. But I’ll figure something out!

I’ve gone to two therapy sessions in the last two weeks and I have to say I’m rather enjoying them. I don’t talk to anyone about my issues or thoughts because I don’t have many people that I’m super close to thanks to my being a camgirl (you tend to lose friends being a web whore unfortunately) but having someone there who won’t judge, who is removed from my life and situation who can give me advice and not be biased…yeah it helps. She’s a very nice lady, with the most soothing voice ever lol. I leave feeling relaxed, and she’s also given me tools to help me calm down when I get anxious. I think it will benefit me longterm for sure.

I’ve been loving the Halloween season so far! The weather is getting frigid very fast, and the leaves are nearly all off the trees. I can tell winter is rapidly approaching! I’ve been having a blast dressing up on MFC for you boys too, I love Halloween costumes! I’m super pumped about my dorky Angry Birds costume which I’ll be wearing on Halloween hehehe. Anyhoo I’m gonna go shower and figure out dinner (so happy to be eating again!) – I hope to see you boys tonite! xoxoxo

oh god no! can you just imagine?!

Hey boys! Wanted to tell you guys how much I missed you last week while I was away at the cottage, and post a few pics for you guys to see!

Me and my friends stayed in Tobermory, Ontario (google it if you’ve never heard of it lol) – basically the middle of nowhere lol. It was great though…surrounded by nature, and good times, and an endless supply of beer – heaven haha. I had a great time.

But onto suckier news…my health issues have flared up again Same issues as in June, stomach problems, pain and nausea/vomiting nonstop due to my anxiety. I’ve been in bed for days and have been struggling to get it together long enough to get stuff done. I did make it to the doctors today, and he’s put me on Cipralex to treat my anxiety (got diagnosed with GAD- Generalized anxiety disorder) and I start my meds tonite. I’m very apprehensive and afraid of the side effects, mainly being hit with even MORE nausea because if there’s one thing I can’t handle, its being sick. I’d rather experience excruciating pain than be ill. Blah Anyways, I wanted to let you guys know that I haven’t forgotten about you, or fallen off the face of the earth…I’m just trying to deal with my issues and get them under control because they’re really taking me out of the game right now. Thank you for your well wishes and emails/messages of concern – means so much. I’ll be online when I can be, but I’m warning you guys now, I may be out of it a bit because I’m on heavy medications to combat my nausea and vomiting and paired with my new meds…eh I might be really slow. When I’m not online, I will be offering deals on my new cottage vids. 250tks for one or all 5 for 1000tks…huge savings off the normal online price, and offline tips will help keep me afloat while I try to take care of my body and my mind. Camgirls don’t get paid sickdays, so I’m going to try to keep them to a minimum :/.

Anyways, thanks for listening to me ramble…I’m going to be heading to bed very soon. Hope to see you guys VERY soon <3